I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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