So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
