My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
