Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
