I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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