im six kinds of drunk right now
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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