Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How does one acquire holy water?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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