Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
