it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
