I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
