I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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