my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
