i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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