the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
