im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
