i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
