Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
