Buhtt sex?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
