there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
