so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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