I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
