We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
