Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
