so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
