your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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