im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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