i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i drank out of a bidet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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