I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
