I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
