He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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