i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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