It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
