Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
