How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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