Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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