life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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