Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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