I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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