I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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