She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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