Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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