I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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