Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
