I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
