I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
