im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize