im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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