My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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