So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
