This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
