similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize