Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
