you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize