Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
