I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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