Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
