Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize