Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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