The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize