Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
