So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
