I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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