You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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