Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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