Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
