literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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