who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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