So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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