I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
