just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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