So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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