If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
