I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
