Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
