I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's shark week go big or go home
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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