i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize