I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
