Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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