porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
