Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
