I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
