I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
