those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
