Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
