So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
