I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
