i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's like iHOP with fire
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
