So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
