do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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