Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
