If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it hurts more in the daytime
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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