she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
