the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
