wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
