You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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