you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
