bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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