I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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