I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
