Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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