am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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