Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
