What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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