His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
